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10 Reasons Why Working Mums Make Kick-Ass Employees

FROM HER: Working mums get a hard rap.

If they’re not being brow-beaten by family for abandoning their babies, they’re being bitched about by less child-challenged colleagues when they leave early enough to spend quality time watching their kids crap in the bath.

So to anyone who ever thought that being a mum meant you stepped off the skills ladder, here’s ten ways in which working mums RULE when it comes to the key attributes employers most want in their staff.

1. Creativity

I see your raft made out of an empty barrel and couple of planks of wood during a team-building weekend in Coventry, and raise you a living breathing person made out of a teeny strand of semen during a drunken holiday in Croatia.

2. Financial Acumen

The poverty line in the UK is around £250 per week. Statutory Maternity Pay is £136.78 per week. At some point most mums will tighten their belts so much, they’ll lose all feeling in their vaginas. But hey, at least it takes our minds off the hunger pangs.

3. Multi-Tasking

Until you have breastfed your baby whilst taking a pee during a conversation with the Inland Revenue, as a lovely stew bubbles away on the hob downstairs, you don’t know the meaning of the word.

4. Time Management

There’s always a bit of flex during the working day. If you’re not ready for a meeting, just reschedule it. There is absolutely no margin for error during a day with a child. Put them down for a nap 30 seconds later than normal and the ripple effects can be felt throughout the time-space continuum.

5. Problem Solving

You know that puzzle where you have a fox, a chicken, a sack of corn and a small boat and you need to get everything safely across the river? Child’s play compared to working out how to safely remove a diarrhoea-soaked vest from a grasping, wriggling, still-defecating human form when you only have two hands.

6. Proactivity

All mums are pro-activity. Getting out and about with the kids for hours on end is the only way you can make a bottle of Aldi gin last all week.

7. Powers of Negotiation

Children are mini terrorists who self-combust into a mass of snot and tears capable of wiping out entire supermarkets if their demands are not met. Even getting them dressed requires the conflict resolution skills of Kofi Annan. So yes, we’re perfectly capable of creating a win:win situation when sourcing low-cost toilet rolls for the office, thanks for asking.

8. Interpersonal Skills

Being a mother equips you with both leadership skills (“no darling, I think you’ll find you should be doing it like THIS”) as well as the ability to delegate where necessary (“no, darling, I think you’ll find it’s YOUR turn to do that”).

9. Commercial Awareness

All mothers are aware that commercials exist. They pepper the countless hours of TV programmes we try to get our children to shut up in front of.

10. Communication Skills

Babies don’t understand what you’re saying. You could tell them you’re going to murder them in their sleep, but provided it’s in a sing-songy voice they’ll still grin like a chimp with a fist full of poo.

This same technique can be employed to startling effect at work. Next time you tell someone you’ve gone several thousand pounds over budget, do so to the tune of rock-a-bye-baby and see how a peaceful look of contentment descends over their faces.

Or offer to kiss it better. Same difference.

 

Comments
8 Responses to “10 Reasons Why Working Mums Make Kick-Ass Employees”
  1. Stephanie says:

    Lots of truth here! I learned so many new skills having kids, they wouldn’t even fit on my CV. Many of them were lost to sleep deprivation however!

  2. Gigi says:

    Exactly. I especially liked the advice on making Gin last longer. Thank You

  3. Sam says:

    That is hilarious! I’m now going to read your entire blog. (Depending on what year you launched!) ;-)

  4. Laugh out loud brilliance!!
    Found you via Britmums Linky and will be following from now on!

    Rachel x

    • raisingedgar says:

      Thanks Rachel. Just had a quick squizz at yours. Loved the reminder about Naf Naf jackets. Tell your friend there are ‘normal’ mums out there, including this non-blond x

  5. I love this – as Mums, there is an unwritten law that says even if you had a high-powered career before kids if you choose, at any time, to be a S-A-H-M (can you believe there’s even an acronym) you somehow have less to offer. This full time role, the moment the bundle arrives, comes with no job spec. PDP or guide book and the mentoring scheme is haphazard, to say the least, but we all take it on, even if we work, so multi-tasking is tame, I call it, ‘multi-lifing’. When will us mums stand up for ourselves and ignore the bitchy comments and put this role where it’s meant to be, be proud, and create a system that works for us. Edgar’s mum, we have work to do! Looking forward to more. Big love xx

    • raisingedgar says:

      Excellent rally cry Sunanda. I’ve got my placards at the ready. Let’s do this! Big love back x

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