Fun Fingers

10 Fun Things You Can Do With a 10 Month Old

 FROM HIM:

  1. Pretend your partner’s about to wake the baby.

If you’re trying to be quiet so that the little tyke drops off to sleep and your partner makes a noise then make a massive deal of it.

Examples:

Your partner sneezes.

Shout whisper the following:

“Why don’t you just go and reverse a truck load of megaphones over his head?”

Your partner drops their toothbrush in the sink.

Shout whisper the following:

“Why don’t set you beat him to death with a large bag of foghorns?”

Your partner emits a small fart noise.

Shout whisper the following:

“That stinks you filthy git.”

 

  1. Play nappy wars.

If you smell foul play in the pant area, maintain poker face and say:

“Can you watch him for a second, I really need the loo?”

Pass baby ass first into their face so that they get a real whiff before dashing desperately to the bathroom.

Make bathroom noises like Monica Seles playing tennis.

Give it twenty minutes or so and you should return to a clean baby.

If the baby has not been changed, fake tripping over and put your head through a pane of glass.

 

  1. Pretend that he’s totally in love with your friends.

Fobbing off your child onto other people is essential to the enjoyment of being a parent, here is the secret method.

First of all you should say:

“Oh he’s trying to get to you/he wants you.”

Then almost throw your child at them so that they have no choice but to hold them.

Even if your child is sort of crying at this stage say:

“He doesn’t want me any more/he loves you more than me.”

Shove out bottom lip.

Pretend sad face.

Then gush about how he never goes to anyone else and that it might be a small miracle.

Now dip your hands in caustic acid so that you’re unable to take him straight back.

A blissful five minute break is yours.

Warning: other parents are less susceptible to this.

They might just let the baby fall through their arms onto the floor in the first instance, shrug and say, “Looks like he didn’t want me after all.”

 

  1. Pretend Pointless is your baby’s favourite programme.

Pointless can make 40 minutes just fly by, especially if Richard Osman says, ‘Well done if you got that at home,’ and you fucking well did get it!

The rules to this one are easy.

Say to child:

“Are you bored? Do you want to watch Pointless?”

Regardless of response, stick Pointless on.

It’s for them.

N.B. Everyone thinks Richard Osman would be their friend if they met him in real life. Well you’re wrong; he’d be my friend. Only my friend.

 

  1. Give your child tiny boobs.

Take those little plastic balls you get in soft play areas and stick them up their t-shirt in the normal boob position.

Proceed to laugh.

 

  1. Pretend your child wants to give you a hug.

Whatever your baby is currently doing say:

“Are you coming to give me a hug?”

Then give them a big hug.

If they struggle to get away and start to whine it’s only because they really wanted a hug.

 

  1. Take them to the swings.

This one is brilliant, especially at this time of year.

Get all dressed up for the winter and trudge down to the park.

Wipe off the freezing pool of water on the swing seat with your hand.

Place baby in seat.

Watch them swing back and forth, once, which is when they’re ready to get out.

Look around the park to see if any other apparatus is suitable.

It isn’t.

Trudge back home.

Yey!

 

  1. Go for a coffee.

There is nothing better than meeting up for a coffee with an old friend and chewing the fat.

Any 10 month old can only enhance this by ensuring each and every syllable of anything you want to say is interrupted.

Drink coffee that has gone cold.

Go home satisfied.

 

  1. Nine rhymes with line and that’s fine.

That’s just gibberish.

You just couldn’t think of ten could you?

I don’t know – you tell me?

I couldn’t.

 

  1. That’s right, there’s no 9 or 10.

I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.

Yes, I could amend the title to say 8, but that just looks crap.

I’ve done it now anyway, so build a bridge…

 

Why not* subscribe to our weekly blog by putting your email address into the box at the top right hand side of this page? We don’t have access to your data if that’s stopping you – it’s all done by magic algorithms. 

*This is not an invitation to literally tell us why you’re not going to do that.

 

 

Leave A Comment